I don’t put pen to paper as often as I should – away from work that is – but this morning I felt an overwhelming urge to write. My pen touched my notepad and it just kept going.
Waking up to 56 WhatsApp messages, for a split second I forgot what today was in my bleary-eyed state. I then went straight to the BBC website and read the headlines. Many conversations ensued over the next two hours as I sat in my chair feeling gloomy. But then I decided it was time to have a shower, get dressed and get on with the day.
I have had a growing sense of detachment from the UK for some time and this year I decided it was time to experience what it was like to live in another country. I haven’t been in Germany long enough to form an opinion on the politics of the country, but what I do feel is a sense of place. This couldn’t have happened if I was not European. I wouldn’t have been able to experience this had I, one, not made the decision, and, two, not had the opportunity.
So now I look to the future. As a small business owner, working with other small businesses, I will need a plan but that will come out over time. It’s already a tough sell to small business owners that they will benefit from working with me, and that mainly comes down to costs. How will this change? I don’t know yet but what it does is make me more determined to carry on as a freelancer and to keep improving my knowledge and skills.
But to move forward, you naturally reflect on the past. What has happened in life to get you to where you are now. A huge part of the decisions I make now are done so by asking myself: ‘What would Mum have done? What would Mum have said? What would Mum think?’.
For people who knew her, she was always helping others no matter what was going on in her own life. This gives me the determination to be the best that I can be. To be kind and helpful to others, to always be there for those who need me and to not back down from a challenge.
But, fundamentally, it makes me determined to be a good, honest and caring person.
So no matter what happens after today, I will continue to be that person wherever in the world I may be because I have been brought up with strong core, personal values as a British citizen and I don’t want to have to walk down the street and feel ashamed of that.